


i was a king under your control (i dreamed you dreamed of me)

by glim



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, M/M, Sad, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 14:56:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3696557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glim/pseuds/glim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Merlin had made him king, and Merlin cannot bear to see his work undone.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	i was a king under your control (i dreamed you dreamed of me)

**Author's Note:**

> For notabuddhist, who gave me the prompt 'i was a king under your control.' This isn't a particularly happy ficlet, but Happy Spring to you :D

Arthur knows this: 

When he dies (and oh, he knows he will die, he feels the day coming, relentless, cold and creeping, upon him), Merlin will not be there. 

He is certain of many things, but this he knows, and the knowledge runs deep in his blood and down to his bones. It is no prophecy, and though he tries to match words to the knowledge, there is no way to translate the rush of his blood and the final ache in his bones. 

He had tried asking Merlin once, and though the sorrow and fear had flashed bright in Merlin's eyes, he had given them no voice. 

He had said nothing, and Arthur could do nothing but look away. 

Merlin had made him king, and Merlin cannot bear to see his work undone. Perhaps that is all there is to it; perhaps the dreams that haunt Arthur's nights and fast-waning winter days are nothing more than that. 

Yet Arthur wonders if there is something more beyond the fear and the sadness that shadows Merlin's eyes, not just when Arthur asks about the end, but in the stolen moments between battles and negotiations, between the feasts and celebrations that mark the turn of the seasons. 

"I have made you king," Merlin says, at last, after the years, too, have turned and Camelot is a different place from the one they lived in as boys. 

"You have," Arthur says, touches the back of Merlin's hand just lightly. "I thought, perhaps, once, I was something more than that to you." 

"I cannot--" He shudders, shakes his head, and the fire in the hearth leaps up suddenly to light his eyes. "I cannot," he says again, and the sorrow in his eyes is clear this time, clear and true. "I cannot lose you twice, my king and my..." He looks down at Arthur's hand where it still rests against his own. "I had hoped that there would be a moment, perhaps, when you were no longer king..." 

Arthur nods, and is perhaps a bit grateful for that long-held knowledge now.


End file.
